Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to it. To the point that I’m afraid of how much. I worry that if I process how excited I am about this conference, I’ll never sleep for the 5 days left until it comes.
But I guess that’s a good thing, right? Being too happy? I used to complain about how many long waiting periods we have as writers, when nothing seems to happen besides jotting our ideas on the computer. And now, that something is finally happening, I’m kind of in shock. Like I’m afraid that a wrong move will make it all go away.
That’s when, at least for me, denial kicks in. I start to avoid getting ready for it, afraid to let myself get too hopeful about what might happen there. But I’m trying to remember that great things have already happened – I finished a manuscript that I love, AND I’ll have the coveted “Genesis Finalist” ribbon on my name tag. I remember last year’s conference when I wished I had one so much. And now that I will, guess what – anxiety-driven denial still kicks in.
I’ll only believe the conference is here when I stand before the registration table and they hand me my package. I might have someone take a picture of that moment lol. When I won’t look back or dream of what could be, because I’ll be living it. And when I pray all I’ll be able to think of is Psalm 126, verses 1-3:
When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.